i asked timothée for a picture and kylie said no

a golden globes recap

I had a whole newsletter about Stanley cups and feminism (it'll work, don't worry) planned for today, but I watched [most of] the Golden Globes last night and my plans had to be quickly scrapped, because wow. What a calamitous ode to That Business We Call Show.

A lot of you might not know this, but I suffer terribly from Second-hand Embarrassment Syndrome, which is why, when the ceremony started and I began seeing tweet after tweet about the host's atrocious monologue, I did not pause my seventeenth rewatch of Singin' in the Rain to catch Jo Koy bombing in real time. And that was my Sunday self-care routine. 

I did, however, start watching about halfway through, and it was enough to illustrate the intense chaos that continues to surround the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

A logistical nightmare, Bradley Cooper actively planning his revenge, incredibly awkward dialogue we were supposed to pretend was funny, and deranged levels of Kylie Jenner-Timothée Chalamet coverage. A night to behold and then immediately forget, so let us discuss before our memories do us a favor and run away from us.

Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet go to the Globes

To be absolutely honest with you: I was a little bit obsessed with this. As previously discussed, there was at least one cameraman on Club Chalamet's payroll (for more CC content, I am begging you to read

Hunter Harris

's formative notes on the phenomenon), which gave us — dare I say it? — sweet moments between the couple. There was a lot of talk last year about the PR-ness of the relationship, but I have personally always bought into its authenticity, if only for the fact that Kylie, famous Concealer of Pregnancies, is the KarJen least likely to engage in that kind of behavior. 

The KyTim vignette does not, however, stop there. Enter Selena Gomez. 

During a commercial break toward the end — the sweet, sweet end — of the broadcast, Gomez walks up to Taylor Swift's table with all the energy of an upwardly-mobile high school sophomore following her mid-morning Cheerios snack break (and if that was oddly specific, I am going to need you to mind your business) and says what Twitter's lip readers have interpreted to be the following: